For this week's post I wrote a letter to my future self with important reminders about the type of mother in-law I would like to be and why it is so important.

Dear Me as a Mother In-law,

If you are reading this than one of your sons must be getting married and you are making the transition into being a mother in-law (MIL).  I hope you will remember all that you have learned from life's experiences about the type of MIL you want to be.  You have seen some bad examples of women who have not treated their in-law children very well and you know what it can do to the relationship between mother and child and the stress it can cause on their marriage.  Because you have had a MIL, who has loved you as her own from the day you married her son, you know what it is like to be welcomed into a family.  You have always felt so much acceptance from your MIL and it has made you love your husband even more.  Love that new daughter in-law the same way, look past anything that you were not expecting and find every way you can to make her feel special and accepted into your family.  Appreciate what she can bring to your family that was not their before.  Express your gratitude for her and what she means to your son, try and see her the way he sees her.  Remember these words from Horsley (1997); Limary (2002) that you read in your Marriage class at BYU Idaho, "Research has shown that lack of marital approval, in-law blaming or triangulation, intrusion, forcing loyalty issues, holding grudges, and refusing to redefine one's role as a parent are related to poor in-law relationships and also jeopardize the marriage of the son or daughter. In one study, 80 percent of couples in failed marriages had not gained the approval or support of parents to marry."  The last thing you want to do is cause any problems between your son and his new wife.  Being a newlywed is hard enough without extra added pressures from in-laws.  The best thing you can do is love her the way you were loved by your MIL and continue the cycle of acceptance.  You can choose to be the MIL that every girl dreams of and who your sons will be proud of.  You got this!

Love,

Your Past Self

This quote that is often accredited to Benjamin Franklin is one that always rings true when I think of family counsels.  I grew up with having them on the first Sunday of every month.  I think my parents did a good job of instilling in us the value of staying organized and on the same page.  They had six very busy kids and having a calendar of what was going on was so helpful.  As their counsels were so successful, I wanted to share what a typical family counsel agenda would have looked like in my family when I was growing up.

Opening Prayer:

Calendar Items:

Assigning of Family Home Evening Lessons:

Each Person Gets a Turn to Talk About what is on their mind:

Mom and Dad review how things are going:

Closing Prayer:

Of course we as kids would role our eyes and complain about family counsel each month, we would teasingly call it family "cancel".  Looking back on it now though, we learned so much about being organized and having a plan.  I know that as I have carried on this same tradition with my family, maybe not quite so organized as my parents, we are more unified as a couple and as a family.  

In October 1953 General Conference,  Elder Stephen L. Richards said, "I have had enough experience to know the value of councils. Hardly a day passes but that I see the wisdom, God's wisdom, in creating councils … to govern his Kingdom. In the spirit under which we labor, men can get together with seemingly divergent views and far different backgrounds, and under the operation of that spirit, by counseling together, they can arrive at an accord, and that accord … represents the wisdom of the council, acting under the Spirit."

Having a house of order creates a place where the spirit can reside and peace will be abundant.