DOCTRINES OF AN ETERNAL MARRIAGE

       

This week as we have been studying the Doctrines of an Eternal Marriage a talk by Elder Bruce C. Hafen really stood out to me.  He said, “Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.”  Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.” He goes on to describe three of the “wolves” that can attack marriage.  The first wolf he warns of is natural adversity, those hard time we go through in marriage that can make us stronger or tear us apart.  The second wolf is their own imperfections, finding fault in ourselves and in our spouse.  The third warning or wolf that he points out is excessive individualism, where couples separate themselves so much that they eventually don’t have anything in common.  In my marriage I think this last “wolf” is one that my husband and I have made a conscience effort to avoid the most.

When we first got married, for whatever reason, I was worried that I would lose my identity by “becoming one” so I tried to keep my hobbies, interests, and preferences to myself.  My husband hated it and would always ask me to focus more on what we had in common rather than what make us different.  It took me many years to come around and see what he was trying to tell me.  He didn’t want me to become him or him to become me, he wanted us to become one.  After that I tried harder to take an interest in what he liked, and he did the same with me.  It is like a game for us when we find things that we both like we say, “we both like that because we are the same”.  I don’t feel like I have lost my identity instead I feel like I have gained a relationship with my partner that is stronger because we are together.  I also think that focusing on this “wolf”, helps us avoid the pitfalls of the other two.  When we are more unified in our relationship times of adversity can’t conquer us because we are stronger as a partnership than alone.  I also think that by being unified in all things we aren’t looking for faults in each other, instead we are finding things we are both good at and working on them together.

Here are a few pictures of my husband and I as we climbed Mt. Whitney together.  Before we were married this was not something I ever would have thought I could do or would even want to do.  After many years of him asking me to climb it with him, I finally agreed.  It was so hard but I can honestly say I have never felt accomplishment like when I submitted the highest peak in the continental U.S.  This is just one example how trying to be unified has strengthened our marriage.