Lord is it I?

It was our beloved Savior’s final night in mortality, the evening before He would offer Himself a ransom for all mankind. As He broke bread with His disciples, He said something that must have filled their hearts with great alarm and deep sadness. “One of you shall betray me,” He told them.

The disciples didn’t question the truth of what He said. Nor did they look around, point to someone else, and ask, “Is it him?”

Instead, “they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?”

Elder Uchtdorf gave these words in the October 2014 priesthood session of General Conference.  It is a talk I have read repeatedly as it seems to really speak to my soul.  As I began to read John M. Gottman’s book this week titled the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work I was reminded again of this talk by Elder Uchtdorf.  I could spend all my time and energies studying this book and think about all the ways my husband could learn from these principles, or I can turn and ask, “Lord is it I?”.  I am the one studying marriage and reading this book, therefore, I will take all the principles learned and figure out how I can do better in each area of my marriage.  I am going to try hard not to point the proverbial finger at my husband’s mote while ignoring my own beams.

Another take away as I delve into the aspects of creating a better marriage is being fair.  In H. Wallace Goddard’s book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage he talks about the Fundamental attribution error.  He says, “Social psychology has found an intriguing quirk in human thinking.  The fundamental attribution error suggest that humans tend to interpret the behaviors of other based on character- or lack of it.  In contrast, when we interpret our own behavior, we tend to factor in circumstances as important.”  I will not excuse myself for certain destructive behaviors in marriage, or “horsemen” as Gottman calls them, as circumstantial while expecting my husband’s character to be perfect. 

As I take a good look at my role and my responsibilities in marriage I know it will only bless our relationship and help heal areas that may be damaged and strengthen those areas that are already thriving.  Again, the words of Elder Uchtdorf, from the same talk, bring a promise that I want to live worthy of. “…being able to see ourselves clearly is essential to our spiritual growth and well-being. If our weaknesses and shortcomings remain obscured in the shadows, then the redeeming power of the Savior cannot heal them and make them strengths.   Ironically, our blindness toward our human weaknesses will also make us blind to the divine potential that our Father yearns to nurture within each of us.”